Quarter-life crisis: when the grass looks greener everywhere else
Is this really all there is? Could there be more out there somewhere? It isn’t just in midlife that many people find themselves confronting fundamental questions about the meaning of their lives. An existential crisis can also set in between your early 20s and early 30s, when it is known as a quarter-life crisis. What does it mean when everyone but you seems to know where they are heading?
It’s a familiar tale for anyone in their 20s: you look around, and other people’s paths in life could hardly be more different. While some people are still studying, others are busy planning families, and others are hoping to find their dream job one day because they aren’t happy with where they are. Welcome to the quarter-life crisis.
A period of disorientation
The quarter-life crisis typically occurs between about 20 and your early 30s, and it is different for everyone. At its core, it is a crisis of identity and orientation, when people call into question their earlier decisions, values and goals.
For many, their mid-20s are a significant period of their lives, marked by important changes, such as completing one’s studies and entering into “real” adult life. It’s a time in which lots of people reevaluate their priorities and set plans in progress for their next steps.
The infamous search for meaning
In a quarter-life crisis, your previous life often feels like it no longer fits. You begin searching for meaning as your dissatisfaction and self-doubt increase. It isn’t only thoughts of the future that give you cause for concern; you may also find yourself questioning past decisions. Constantly comparing yourself with others, including people beyond your own immediate circle, can give you the impression that the grass is greener everywhere else.
«A quarter-life crisis often arises from the tension between one’s own ideas about life and a lived reality that is often completely different.»
The whirlwind of thought that comes with a quarter-life crisis can be accompanied by physical signs, such as poor sleep, difficulty concentrating or tension and nervousness. According to Nora Schär, a psychologist at santé24, a quarter-life crisis can also change your close relationships. “For example, you might distance yourself from friends and acquaintances,” explains Schär.
If these symptoms persist or become increasingly stressful, and if talking to family or friends doesn’t help, it might be useful to seek psychological support before things spiral further.
Causes and triggers of a quarter-life crisis
Right from childhood, many people have ideas about what their life ought to look like. This internal planning often doesn’t abate with age. It often develops into the desire for a “perfect” life path that meets societal expectations, such as professional success, financial security and a stable partnership.
Four tips for everyday life
Talk to friends about your worries. You’ll soon realize that you aren't alone.
Write down your thoughts. This will help stop them spiralling out of control.
Don’t compare yourself against others. Particularly on social media, many people only show what they want to show. Life has its ups and downs, and we tend to only share the former.
Don’t forget what you’ve already accomplished in life. Celebrate and consciously recall your successes – even small ones.
The influence of social media
Overwhelmingly, what we see on social media are perfect lives: a house at 26, children, a partnership and a career – all at once. People going through a quarter-life crisis measure their progress in life by where other people are at. Constant comparison intensifies the sense of being unable to keep up, of being dissatisfied or of falling behind in your own life.
At the same time, social media shows us a wealth of opportunities that everyone seems to have at their fingertips. This merely adds to the uncertainty. Should I move to another country or launch my own start-up? Schär explains that the wealth of options can be overwhelming and make decisions harder. This phenomenon is called the “paradox of choice” in psychology.
But social media doesn’t just have a destructive side. If you use it thoughtfully and follow helpful accounts, you'll quickly notice that many people are in the same boat. This facilitates sharing with like-minded people and shows that you aren’t alone with your problems.
Psychological counselling from santé24
SWICA customers receive assistance from santé24 through psychological, psychotherapeutic and psychiatric specialists. Are you plagued by worries and fears or are you aware of other psychological symptoms? Are you dealing with a challenging situation in your life or with other uncertainties?
