Limerence: when being in love becomes addictive
Olivia Fey
The feeling of being in love can be uplifting and fulfilling, yet it often brings an emotional roller coaster along with it. He loves me, he loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not. When infatuation cross the line into obsession, psychologists refer to it limerence. This condition describes often compulsive behaviour, where a person finds it difficult control their thoughts around the object of their desire.
Too much love: What are the symptoms of limerence?
When someone has limerence, they "over-feel" and their thoughts revolve incessantly around this one person. This leads to emotional dependence accompanied by heavy mood swings.
Affected people can hardly wait to hear from the object of their desires and are extremely happy when they finally do. Their longing becomes compulsive, they idealise the object of their desires, and the fear of rejection is omnipresent. But if the person distances themselves, these feelings quickly become negative. This can even lead to physical symptoms such as a racing heart, headache or difficulty concentrating. Someone experiencing limerence may end up neglecting themselves and their own needs and socially isolating themselves.
A little-known condition
Anyone who loves is dependent on the other person. The uncertainty as to whether the love will be reciprocated, the hope that it might be and the unfulfilled desire are all common experiences, yet they can turn into obsession.
The causes of limerence are diverse and very individual: an insecure attachment style, high emotional sensitivity or weak emotional regulation. Low self-esteem or ADHD are also fertile ground for limerence.
What helps when love hurts
There are various strategies and behaviours to protect yourself from excessive infatuation.
- Reducing or deliberately ceasing contact with the object of your desires. Consciously maintaining a healthy distance can help defuse emotional dependence.
- Reactivating self-reflection: You should ask yourself what contentment means to you and how you can feel content without the object of your desires.
- Keep a journal: Writing can help you make sense of your thoughts and feelings. Maybe you'll also see what's good about your life in general, even without this person.
- Taking up new hobbies, reviving friendships and consciously taking time out are ways of actively caring and doing something good for yourself.
- Clearly communicating with the person you "idolise" or someone you trust can help reduce your insecurities and break the cycle.
SWICA customer magazine: Guilt and sham
Guilt and shame are deeply human feelings. Even so, most people don’t like to talk about them. But SWICA does in the new issue of its customer magazine. Find out more.
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